Mormonopolis!

Who knew Salt Lake City was named after a body of water named Salt Lake? I know now, and so do you. Crispin and I arrived last Thursday night with the express intent to ski Deer Valley and burn a massive number of calories. After securing discounted tickets Friday morning, we tested our skills on the huge mountain. We rode the lift with a producer from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition who said he “worked on the lifts,” by which he meant he used his internet-connected phone device to broker deals between runs. In fact, he said, Will Ferrell would be coming in the next day, and he was celebrating a $140 million deal from the day before. We congratulated him, and I asked him to spot me a $20. He declined. At a lunch break, I saw Robert Redford, whose Sundance Ranch is nearby. He's shorter than I'd suspected.

Unfortunately, we are both growing older. In the three years since her last run and the four since mine, our bodies have forgotten the effort involved and level of fitness required to truly enjoy the sport called skiing. It was a fun day, but the soreness of our legs and my weird lip-burn (who knew lips could get third degree burns?) forced us to change our Saturday plans.

No matter, there is plenty to do and see in the Mormon capital of the world. We began by congratulating each other on our possession of a Garmin GPS unit (I cannot recommend them highly enough to the general public, especially in cities like L.A. or Salt Lake). The city planners must have been underpaid, as the downtown is nothing short of confusing. Streets are named one of four things: Temple, Main, State, or a number. To arrive at Temple Square, the locale of all the Church buildings downtown, we took West 600 South Street to South West Temple to West South Temple. No kidding. Had we turned left from South West Temple onto West 300 South, we would have shortly come to the intersection of West 300 South and South 300 West. After taking I-15 20 miles north to visit a State Park, we drove past residential roads named 3300 West and 1700 South. I guess creativity in naming is not valued highly in Utah.

But we persevered, and were rewarded initially with a short walking tour of Temple Square. As it was Saturday, we saw no fewer than 4 brides and bridal parties posing for photographs behind the tall gates surrounding the Temple. After obtaining directions from a man wearing a nametag and a completely white suit and tie, we arrived in front of the Tabernacle to hear a 30-minute recital on the amazingly large organ located therein. As the organist played, I read the testimony of Joseph Smith and some of the beliefs of the Mormon faith as outlined in a pamphlet, including the eternal nature of marriage and the necessity of baptizing one's deceased ancestors. This is the reason for the Mormon emphasis on genealogical research. Interestingly, atop all the Mormon Temples around the world is not a cross, but a golden figure of the angel Moroni, who appeared to Joseph Smith a number of times, and whose name is far underutilized in our society, in my opinion.

We proceeded then to Sportsman's Warehouse, where a tiny bear cub was being tossed about like a rag doll as people waited 2 hours or more to have their photo made with him. Granted, no fewer than 6 cubs were on hand for this purpose, on loan from a local zoo, but the poor thing barely had its eyes open and was meeting a new family nearly every 60 seconds or so. Photo at left. We decided against waiting and took our own, free photos.

After this, we made the drive north to Salt Lake, the saltiest body of water in the world after the Dead Sea. Whereas the ocean is approximately 3% salt, Salt Lake has between 4-28%. In the park area, we saw herds of bison, chased packs of jack rabbits across the road and back, and marveled at piles of bison excrement larger than both my fists put together. At dinner, our waiter sported a Hawaiian accent (I had no idea there was such a thing; Crispin was on top of it) and said he had moved north for love of a girl he had met surfing. I commented on the lack of surfing in Utah and he sadly agreed.

In all, our trip was very fun and more than interesting. For a whirlwind trip across the country on a shoestring budget, we made it great. Old friendships deserve to be nurtured; growing older only increases the desire to be known. Long-time friends, I salute you.